Why Do I Keep Doing This? A Pattern Spotter's Guide

Feb 4

You do it again.

The thing you SWORE you wouldn't do. You —> say yes when you mean no; revise the email for the 47th time; scroll social media and feel terrible about yourself; avoid the hard conversation and binge Netflix instead.

And you think: Why do I keep doing this?

Here's what most people think: "I just need more willpower. I need to try harder. Something's wrong with me."

Here's the truth: It's not you. It's a pattern. A script that's been running so long you don't even notice it anymore.

Good news?

Once you see the pattern, you can choose something different. And it's way easier (and more fun) than you think.

Download the Type Discovery Guide and discover what's been keeping you stuck—and how to finally stop being so exhausting to yourself.

Complete the Free Typing Test with Instinctual Variants Answer true to who you are instead of the improved or better sounding answer. These tests are known to be 60-70% accurate. Often it is recommended to take a few, and / or talk through scenarios through process of elimination with an Enneagram coach.

The Script That's Running Your Life

Imagine your brain has a default setting. When you're stressed, tired, or on autopilot, this setting kicks in automatically.

It's like a well-worn path through the woods. You've walked it so many times, your feet just... go there. Even when you consciously want to take a different route.

This isn't about willpower. This is about recognizing the path WHILE you're walking it.

Not after the fact, when you're replaying the conversation in your head at 2 am.
Not in your journal the next morning.
While it's happening.

That's when everything changes.

Your Pattern Isn't Unique (And That's Great News)

Here's something that might surprise you: your pattern isn't a personal flaw or a sign that something's deeply wrong with you.

It's one of nine core patterns that humans default to when we're on autopilot.

The Enneagram maps these nine patterns—not as personality types to identify with forever, but as scripts to recognize so you can rewrite them.

Think of it like this: if you're trying to debug code but you can't see what the code is, you're stuck. Once you see it? You can change it.

Meet the Nine Scripts

Each pattern has a default setting—a place your attention habitually goes when you're stressed or checked out. Once you know yours, you start seeing it EVERYWHERE.

Let's break them down. See which one makes you go "Oh... shit."

Pattern 1: The Perfectionist

Default setting: Nothing's ever good enough

You revise everything seventeen times. You have a harsh inner voice that won't shut up about what's wrong, what needs fixing, what should be better. You suppress your anger, but it leaks out as constant irritation and resentment.

What you tell yourself: "If I could just get it perfect, THEN I could relax."

The reality: Perfect doesn't exist, and you're exhausting yourself trying to find it.

What freedom looks like: Accepting "good enough" without the inner critic screaming. Being principled without being rigid. Realizing the world won't fall apart if something's imperfect.

Pattern 2: The Helper

Default setting: Everyone needs you (but you don't need anyone)

You're the therapist in every friend group. You can read a room like a psychic. You give and give and give... and then feel hurt when people don't reciprocate. Your own needs? Buried so deep you've forgotten what they are.

What you tell yourself: "I don't need help. I'm fine. I just like helping people."

The reality: You're not fine, and your help has invisible strings attached.

What freedom looks like: Knowing your own needs without guilt. Being able to receive without feeling weak. Giving freely because you want to, not because you need to be needed.

Pattern 3: The Achiever

Default setting: You are what you accomplish

Your worth is tied to your productivity. You shape-shift depending on who's in the room. You're always performing, always achieving, always... exhausted. Feelings? Those get buried under tasks and to-do lists.

What you tell yourself: "Once I accomplish [this thing], THEN I can rest."

The reality: There's always another thing. And you've lost touch with who you actually are underneath all the doing.

What freedom looks like: Being okay with just existing. Knowing your worth isn't tied to your achievements. Showing up as you actually are, even when it's not impressive.

Pattern 4: The Individualist

Default setting: Something's missing (and everyone else has it)

You compare yourself constantly. You romanticize what's absent and dismiss what's present. You feel fundamentally different—special and deficient at the same time. There's a push-pull in relationships: come closer, no wait, go away.

What you tell yourself: "When I find that missing piece, THEN I'll feel whole."

The reality: Nothing's missing. You're just spending all your energy looking for what's not there instead of appreciating what is.

What freedom looks like: Being present with ordinary life without comparison. Recognizing you're already whole. Steady connection without the drama.

Pattern 5: The Investigator

Default setting: Protect your energy at all costs

You withdraw to recharge (constantly). You observe rather than participate. You hoard your time, your space, your inner world. People feel demanding. The world feels like too much.

What you tell yourself: "I don't have enough energy for this."

The reality: You're operating from scarcity when there's actually abundance available. You're protecting yourself from a threat that isn't real.

What freedom looks like: Engaging fully without feeling drained. Sharing yourself generously. Trusting there's enough—enough energy, enough you.

Pattern 6: The Loyalist

Default setting: Scan for danger, prepare for worst-case scenarios

Your mind generates endless "what if" catastrophes. You doubt yourself constantly. You seek reassurance from others but don't really believe them. You're hypervigilant, anxious, always preparing for threat.

What you tell yourself: "If I can just think through every possible outcome, I'll be safe."

The reality: No amount of planning makes you feel secure. The threat is in your head, not reality.

What freedom looks like: Trusting yourself. Acting despite fear. Relaxing into the present moment instead of living in future disasters.

Pattern 7: The Enthusiast

Default setting: Keep moving, keep planning, never stop

You're always thinking about what's next. You start seventeen projects and finish none. You avoid pain, boredom, limitation by staying busy, optimistic, stimulated. Commitment feels like a trap.

What you tell yourself: "I just need more options, more experiences, more freedom."

The reality: You're running from discomfort. And all that running is keeping you stuck.

What freedom looks like: Being present with one thing. Staying even when it's uncomfortable. Finding joy in what is, not what's next.

Pattern 8: The Challenger

Default setting: Control or be controlled

You meet life with intensity. You protect your vulnerability by being strong, direct, sometimes too much. You have little patience for weakness (in yourself or others). Tenderness feels dangerous.

What you tell yourself: "The world respects strength. Vulnerability is weakness."

The reality: Your armor is keeping people out—including the ones you actually want close.

What freedom looks like: Being strong AND tender. Allowing vulnerability without losing power. Using your intensity in service of others, not domination.

Pattern 9: The Peacemaker

Default setting: Keep the peace, avoid conflict, disappear

You go along to get along. You merge with others' priorities and lose your own. You numb out—TV, food, scrolling, other people's drama. Your voice? Buried. Your needs? What needs?

What you tell yourself: "I'm fine with whatever. It doesn't matter."

The reality: It does matter. You're just afraid of the conflict that comes with having an opinion.

What freedom looks like: Showing up with your own voice. Asserting your priorities. Being present instead of checked out.

Okay, So I See My Pattern. Now What?

Seeing the pattern is step one. But seeing it after the fact doesn't change anything.

The magic happens when you can catch it while it's happening.

That pause—that moment where you notice "Oh, there it is again"—creates space for a different choice.

This is what I call Recognition → Liberation → Embodiment.

Phase 1: Recognition

You learn to spot your pattern in real-time. Not after. As it's happening.

You build the capacity to witness yourself without judgment. "Ah, there's the trap. I'm doing it right now."

You can't change what you can't see.

Phase 2: Liberation

You practice interrupting the pattern and trying something different.

Here's the beautiful part: you're not just avoiding your trap. You're discovering you have access to all nine patterns, not just the one you default to.

You're whole. The pattern is just where you habitually get stuck.

Phase 3: Embodiment

You create something tangible that proves to yourself you've changed.

Not a mental shift. Not just "I understand myself better now."

Something real. A boundary you set. A project you completed. A relationship you repaired. A choice you made differently.

This is how the inner work becomes real.

What This Actually Looks Like

Let's say you're caught in the Individualist pattern (Type 4). Your trap is comparing yourself to others and feeling deficient.

You've understood this intellectually for years. You can explain your childhood wounds, your fear of being ordinary, your tendency to romanticize what's missing.

But you keep doing it.

The shift happens when you catch the comparison as it's happening.

You're scrolling Instagram. Envy rises. You pause and ask: "What's actually true about my life right now, separate from anyone else's?"

That pause creates space.

You start a practice: naming three things that are true about your life without comparison. Not gratitude (which can feel forced). Just truth.

Over time, the comparison trap loosens. Not because you analyzed it more. Because you interrupted it.

And eventually? You complete that creative project you've been avoiding. Not because it makes you special. Because it's yours to create.

That's embodiment!

The Practices That Work

Pattern recognition isn't just thinking about your pattern. It requires practices that create space between stimulus and response:

Meditation: Sitting with what arises without being consumed by it. Building witness consciousness.

Panoramic Vision: Widening your awareness beyond the narrow tunnel of your fixation. Asking, "What else is true right now besides this thought?"

Real-Time Check-Ins: Not analyzing the past, but catching the pattern in the moment. "Where's my attention going right now? Is this the trap?"

Somatic Awareness: Your body knows when you're in the trap before your mind catches up. What does your pattern feel like physically?

Micro-Experiments: You don't need a complete overhaul. You need one small interruption that proves change is possible.

Why This Matters (Especially Now)

Everything feels heavy right now. The world is overwhelming. Everyone's wound up.

You can't control what's happening out there. But you CAN stop adding to your own stress by catching the patterns that keep you stuck.

This isn't about fixing yourself. It's about noticing what's automatic so you can choose something different.

Less exhausting. More like you.

When you can recognize your pattern in real-time, everything changes.

You stop explaining your behavior and start choosing differently.
You stop identifying with your trap and start accessing your wholeness.
You stop being so hard on yourself.

The Enneagram isn't about figuring out which box you fit into. It's about seeing the script clearly so you can rewrite it.

What's Your Pattern?

If what I'm describing makes a whole lotta sense— and you are tired of repeating the same patterns and want to actually interrupt them—I invite you to take the next step.

I've created a free Type Discovery Guide to help you identify which of the nine patterns is running your life. It's not a typical questionnaire. It's a reflective process that helps you see yourself clearly.

Once you know your pattern, you can begin the work of recognition, interruption, and freedom.